Hopeless Romantic

Beatle Me.

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 21:03:22 GMT

I had a long conversation online with a friend two days ago.

Somehow, we got into the topic of my past and alot of personal stuff I wouldn't talk about here.

I was enlightened when she told me of a John Lennon song.

Another discovery in my journey of knowing and understanding myself.

When I face the world, I try to show the world that I'm Paul McCartney. Deep inside me, however, I'm John Lennon.

Thanks, Maine.

-kingsley sia-

At 3:45am

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:58:34 GMT

At 3:45am
I am wondering why I'm still here
Because an hour ago I was lying in bed
With pleasant thoughts of a girl
Awaiting sleep and dreamland

At 3:47am
I wonder why I got out of bed 45 minutes ago
And revisited the past through a conversation history
The one that made me smile and tear
As I recall many things from two years ago

At 3:50am
I speak to God without hiding my true emotions
He knows that I'm angry and disappointed
But only at myself, again
As vivid memories play evidence to me breaking promises

At 3:54am
I wish I could sleep
Let tomorrow be a new start
If God is to bless me with something I once had
Let me not repeat the mistakes that ruined it
Help me, Lord, to be a better person

Amen.

-kingsley sia-

At 3:28am

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 19:46:23 GMT

At 3:28am
I am thinking of you
You, the tall one
With magical eyes that electrify
How nice it would be if I am there in those eyes

At 3:31am
I am thinking of you
You, the pretty one
So graceful and mysterious
How nice it would be if I could figure you out

At 3:35am
I am thinking of you
You, the one undiscovered
Whom I could only imagine
How nice it would be if I could see you

At 3:42am
It is time for bed
I think of you girls
Whom make my world a little better
How nice it would be if I could be a girl
If I could never be a guy whom you girls would like

-kingsley sia-

New York State Of Mind.

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 13:46:00 GMT

I bought a few CDs in the past few months.

I got love for NY, I can't deny.

Copped some essentials, gotta flow hard like I'm from the East Coast.

Gotta have DMX for ruthless spitting, Jay-Z for the swagger, Nas for the flow and vocabulary, Ja Rule for being chick-friendly and 50 Cent for cocky street image.

Besides that, I've been bumpin' some 'Illmatic' and 'It Was Written', those are must haves from Nas. Some BIG and Fat Joe here and there. Gotta have the West Coast too, I'm totally feeling The Game.

The ears and mind have been paying attention to beats from Swizz Beatz, Scott Storch, The Neptunes, Kanye West, Salaam Remi, Bangladesh, Just Blaze, Dr. Dre, Timbaland, Irv Gotti, The Hitmen, DJ Toomp, Mannie Fresh, Jazze Pha, Jermaine Dupri.

"The war to be a rap legend has just begun" - The Game

-kingsley sia-

Daytime Nightmares.

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 19:00:17 GMT

I had nightmares.

It was so hot in the afternoon on Sunday that I decided to take a catnap. Naked.

So I locked the door and fell asleep.

I had nightmares!

First, I dreamt that I was driving down Cameron Highlands. In the Proton Persona. There was Joanna Sara in the passenger seat, and Jenn Ming was in the backseat. I was dozing off on the wheel, and I lost control of the car. The wheels lost traction, the car skidded towards the left side of the road. Then I began to see everything in monochrome. I knew I was gonna die. I see a gorge below through my window. An inch before we hit the divider that separates the road from the gorge of a few thousand feet.

Then I woke up.

Damn. It's only 4pm. The sun is shining brightly outside.

And so, I fell asleep again.

Then, I dreamt again.

This time, I was in a familiar place. Seems to me that it was the DSA in Wisma HELP. It was crowded like never before, packed with people. I put my laptop on the table, and turned around to say hi to some friends. As I reached behind to grab my laptop, I realize it was gone. Gone! Someone took it. I couldn't tell who took my laptop, it was a sea of people in there. It was like a scene from the Bourne Identity or something, a manhunt in the train station. I made a dash toward the door, that person with my laptop must be making his escape. Then, I saw a guy running towards the closing elevator doors. I bolted towards the same direction. I pounced on him, and we crashed into the glass window. That storey-length glass window that gives us a beautiful view of the concrete jungle outside. The fall from the 5th floor... I don't know how it feels like.

Because I woke up.

And it was already 7pm. Then I went to have awesome Thai seafood for dinner with my family.

What the heck, back to daytime nightmares!

Okay, here's one.

Yesterday (Tuesday) evening, I decided to take a nap.

It was already 6pm, but I couldn't resist the cool post-rain weather.

So I slept. Not naked this time.

I dreamt that I was in a church. Megachurch to be exact. It must be some sorta youth conference or something, because there were alot of people. I was enjoying myself looking at people. Chicks and all, and some of those fakes, you know. Some of them whom I know, most that I don't. So I decided to walk around, gotta take a look around. I moved towards the front, where the stage was. It was pretty happening, some sorta weird thing going on. I felt like peeing, so I looked around for the washroom. As I moved to the side of the hall where the washroom is, I saw something unbelievable. There were 2 men sitting on 2 sofas. They were nude. What the hell? The people just walked about as if they don't see these 2 freaks. I just froze at the unsightly scene that greeted my eyes. The next thing I know, I felt like crying, vomiting and running away. God, why am I in some screwed up occult church?

I woke up, feeling so terrified and utterly disgusted.

I thanked God that it was just a nightmare. Think I shed some tears.

It was 7pm, thought I could squeeze in about half an hour's nap before dinner... but I woke up at 9pm after that.

Daytime nightmares. Scarier than those at night.

I think sleeping in the nude makes me feel insecure.

I shall go to bed now. 3am.

Goodnight and sweet dreams :)

-kingsley sia-

Running.

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:20:04 GMT

Meet Little Miss Suzy.

I'm not feeling well, emotionally and mentally.

No reason to feel so actually, because the past 2 weeks have been pretty awesome.

Possum.

I feel tired. Burnouts, how can you not hate them.

I don't know if I really want what I think I need.

Because, maybe I don't really need it anyway.

Would I need what I think I want?

It's just that old feeling.

Like a friend from faraway that I suddenly miss.

Sometimes I think that I'm sure about my gut feelings.

But I have been proven wrong.

I'll just roll on by the grace of the Lord above.

Better to not expect too much I suppose.

But really... what does it take to capture a heart?

-kingsley sia-

Little Misses.

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 07:19:20 GMT

This thing cracks me up, I find it pretty interesting.

I secretly wish to be The Jock, The Ladies Man and The Flirt.

Let's see what kinda girls I like.

The Good Friend
She's certainly adorable and great company, but that's about it. She'd know me too well, which is not necessarily a good thing.

The Good Little Church Girl
I think these sorta girls are nice. But I'm a sucker for fake ones, devils in angels' disguise. The hypocritical impostors, haha!

The Shy One
Not quite my thing.

The Innocent One
Nice, but boring.

The Drama Queen
Oh Lord, please, no. I know what it's like, trust me.

The Stylish One
I like them as trophy girls, but that's about it. Can't be splurging on the Gucci and Louis Vuitton.

The Tiny Dangerous One
Haha, no thanks. I like tall girls, at least eye-level.

The One With All The Gossip
No thanks, I don't want a walking E! Channel.

The Cutie Pie
I kinda like that, but maybe two cutes don't go well together.

The Princess
I like that, I'm a sucker for princesses. I'll make her a queen.

.....

Okay, I'll go take a nap.

When I wake up, I'll work hard on my assignments. Seriously.

*yawns*

-kingsley sia-

Still Riding.

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 15:59:38 GMT

Yesterday and the week before, everything felt good.

My life seemed to be shining so bright that I needed a Ray Ban.

By the grace of the Lord above, I was on a roll.

I got everything I need, nothing could possibly go wrong.

I woke up today to gloomy skies above my head.

This can't be right, walked out and my car wasn't there.

I had a bad feeling. That sensation was like a punch to the gut.

The rain came late in the afternoon.

I chilled at home like I was on vacation.

And then the phone rang. It was my dad.

He's stranded on the Federal Highway with the Pimpmobile.

Engine overheat. 6pm in the rain.

Ain't nobody can handle the Pimpmobile like I do.

Should I mention the traffic situation?

I felt very disturbed.

Just two days ago I kissed the Pimpmobile as I hopped in. Gripped the wheel right, bumpin' to The Game and driving slow as I enjoy the ride.

I love that machine. I'd keep the Pimpmobile even after I get my Bentleys and Ferraris.

Rolled out in the Black Knight with some tools, water and engine oil.

4 hours in slow-moving traffic, mostly standstill.

"Will I still be able to ride? Is the car gonna be okay?"

It was torment, like sitting outside the operating room.

I got to the scene, and there the car was.

Did all that we could to save it.

The engine hummed lowly. It started to accelerate slowly.

It's alive alright.

Back at home, the Pimpmobile in the porch.

Today was a challenge.

That few hours really got me deep in thoughts.

I almost lost the car.

My dad said that I take things for granted.

He's right, that's the reason I lost so many things in life.

All these cars, cash and chicks I see, someday, the Lord's gonna take them away.

My dad said it's time I live for myself. I gotta make a living for myself.

He's right. I gotta be out in the streets hustling, making paper and feeding myself. Even if it will be that bad.

It's time I make my dreams come true.

The first of four sons. The one named Kingsley.

I gotta live up to my name.

Lord, let me live.

You may take away, but you give too.

Still repenting in this life of sin.

-kingsley sia-

Strangers.

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 04:25:39 GMT

It was drizzling in the morning.

My breakfast was cold, and the hot tea didn't seem hot enough after all.

It's nice to be eating under an umbrella as raindrops fall inches away.

I drove through the slow-moving heavy traffic.

The roads are congested, just like my mind.

In college, I opened my bag and I saw a book that doesn't belong to me.

Oh, it's Stephanie's.

Some Christian book I never bothered to read.

Perhaps, I simply forgot about it.

Never too fond of Christian books anyway, they make me more aware of my hypocritical self.

So I realized I gotta give it back to her.

I had a feeling I'll bump into her anyway.

And so I did.

It was a brief encounter with Stephanie and her boyfriend, Renaldo.

The feeling that I got was a feeling that I had lost a long time ago.

She seemed to be a stranger to my eyes.

The stranger I met on Friendster.

The stranger I made out with on the night we first met.

The stranger whom I fell for.

But she's certainly not the girl I knew after we got together.

Not the girl I loved.

The Stephanie I used to know was the one who loved me.

This one I met today, she's the stranger that marked the beginning and the end of all things between us.

I don't make sense anymore.

So I handed her the book.

Shook Renaldo's hand.

Walked away.

Strange encounter.

Of course, they're strangers.

-kingsley sia-

Are We Different?

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 15:28:52 GMT

I have a new favorite song!

Gotta bump up the speaker volume a wee bit on this one.

Now I'm a smitten kitten :)

Priscilla Ahn - Are We Different?

Come on,
the day is ending.
And we are tired from walking over and under this town.

Look here,
a fight is starting.
As we near the people are parting.
Oh my, my tired soul.

Are we shy? Are we setting new ground?
Are we high when we're marching downtown?
Are we different?

Look close,
your face is changing.
Like most it's only aging from all these tired tears.

Come on,
it's getting better.
Looks like we're in for warm weather
for the next three billion years.

Are we shy? Are we setting new ground?
Are we high when we're marching downtown?
Are we different?
Are we different?
Are we different?

Are we gonna figure this out?
Are we gonna figure this out?

Are we shy? Are we setting new ground?
Are we high when we're marching downtown?
Are we different?