3:32am.
I'm back home, sitting on the sofa.
I feel safe and comfortable here.
I've complained too much about how much I don't like being at home.
That's the reason I find every excuse to go out.
I was out on the streets, riding high in the Black Knight.
So many thoughts ran through my mind.
Scheming and planning, I felt so ready to face the world.
I could imagine how life will turn out for me.
Ain't life grand?
As I held that thought, I faced death.
Again.
Got hit from the left by a Proton Waja, sending the Black Knight skidding across the road to face the opposing flow of traffic.
Thank God there wasn't oncoming traffic.
A police car was behind me when the whole thing happened. Ain't God great?
I stepped out of the car, not fully aware how awesome it is to be still alive and safe.
I prayed for mercy. For forgiveness. For favor. For peace. For safety. For rationality. For righteousness. For honesty. For integrity.
There was the guy in the Proton Waja, two police officers and a growing crowd of onlookers, busybodies and runners.
I wasn't alone, but at that moment I felt like the loneliest person in the world.
It's times like these when the faithless walk away from God. It's times like these when the weary question and doubt God.
I didn't know where I'd stand, but I sure was too tired to be standing.
Everything will be alright, I believe.
The God of Jacob is my God. He stands by me and carries me when I cannot walk.
This God that I struggle with, He is still with me.
I still got a lot of choices. Many decisions to be made.
Pray.
Pray that I may make the right decisions.
Pray that I may walk right with God.
Pray that I may be responsible and careful with my actions.
I need a warm shower now.
Then, I will find rest.
Hallelujah, my great God is merciful!
It feels good to be alive.
-kingsley sia-