Over the weekend, I rested. I relaxed.

A good trip to Malacca for youth camp.

A much needed break from many things.

The city of Kuala Lumpur, assignments... all sorts.

I'm glad I went.

I welcomed peace into my heart again.

Back home now, I'm recharged again.

I searched and I found.

Be Thou my vision.

-kingsley sia-

Recently my dog Billy died.

He's lived a good 10 years with us, faithful guard dog.

So last week my dad and Dexter went to SPCA and got us a puppy.

His name was Raja, but we thought it'd be better to call him Roger.

He was 4 months old, pretty sickly. Didn't eat.

Today, my dad sent him back to SPCA.

Wonder if I'll see him again. Kinda miss him already.

-kingsley sia-

A meal for a lonely man, in the midst of many lonely people having the same meal. Or at least they seem to be.

I like the feeling I get when I sit there in Ikea with this RM3 meal.

Calm, with a tinge of loneliness and uncertainty.

Just seems to me that people coolly disdain me.

-kingsley sia-

Down with fever and red spots all over my body for the past 3 days.

Possibly measles, possibly dengue.

Whatever it is, I'm recovering I suppose.

I just can't seem to fall asleep easily tonight.

Shouldn't have thought about it.

The future.

Scares me.

Possibilities.

So easy to distort.

Why must it be so easy to be pessimistic?

*sigh*

-kingsley sia-

He's got an LCD TV in his room.

He's got a Wii.

He's got a cool name, of alcholic origin.

He drives a Volvo.

He's buff and muscular.

He can do magic tricks.

He can afford a mobile phone as a gift.

He's got a good drumset.

He's got an Xbox 360.

He's got a sweet mouth.

He gets RM1000 allowance monthly.

He's a drummer for a notable local band.

He's a rich man's son.

He's got a PSP.

He's of mixed ethnicity.

He can drive nice cars.

He looks clean.

He plays guitar well.

He goes to a famous church.

He wears boardshorts.

He can crack jokes

.....

These are the descriptions of a few guys that I am not like.

If you think I'm talking about you, please do feel proud and thankful.

I don't wanna be like you guys though.

-kingsley sia-

O merciful God, heavenly Father.

My Deliverer, Redeemer, Saviour, Friend.

In you I seek refuge, for you are my Father.

Make haste O Lord, come to my rescue.

Strengthen me Lord, that I may endure.

Blessed be your name O God, you put my enemies to shame.

They shall not triumph over me, let prosperity not be theirs to gain.

Let not injustice prevail, you shall blot out all evil.

Lord, light my path and bless me with a guard of conscience.

I praise you, my Lord, my God, my King.

-kingsley sia-

Here you are, in my arms once again.

Glad we made it. Let's have many, many more years.

Forever is what I want.

I love you.

-kingsley sia-

Heroes, always mighty, adored.

I have a few heroes in my life. They always help me get through.

This week, I see a few of them fall.

They're human after all, succumbing to the things that hurt me.

I feel discouraged.

What am I to do?

Some photos of times that I fondly remember:

I miss you people.

-kingsley sia-

Throwing chairs at people. Slamming doors until they fall off. Break stuff. Scream.

Then whipped with clothes hangers and leather belts.

That's what my mum said of my childhood.

Was I really that violent?

Guess it explains the person I've been all along.

I had periods of happiness and sadness.

Perhaps better explained with the terms joy and grief.

I thought I could pull off a cheerful facade and be on good terms with people.

I don't know if I suceeded.

Sometimes I feel so burnt out from studying.

It pushes me to my limit, making me so vulnerable.

No wonder I got to harming myself.

In search of a fix, I find fixes with all sorts of things.

I wanna give up.

It's either the fix or the fight.

-kingsley sia-

Nothing is real.

That is I think it's not too bad.

-kingsley sia-